12PM. Sunday the sixth of October. In celebration of Jamaica's world-famous free and fair election process, the Jamaica Hash House Harriers dedicated their 134th run to the island's 14th general election (or was it dedicated to the upcoming Hash Elections at the AGPU ?). With just 10 days until polling would begin, this was a perfect opportunity for Jamaican hashers to get in some much needed practice at running away very fast from tricky situations.
Rumours that Jimmy Carter was to oversee the entire Election Hash process proved unfounded. With the precision of a polling-station security force the hashers streamed from the Jamaican German Society 30 minutes after they were due to start.
Early pollsters were not confident of a successful hash when it emerged that Split Ends had mistaken her role as a hare and had been shopping for Shampoo instead of helping to set the hash (we kid you not dear hashers).
Untroubled by the complete lack of a trail, the hares - Rice 'n' Peas and Split Ends - declared that the hash was along a (fairly) straight road and was without false trails - making shredded paper unnecessary. They added that this environmentally-conscious decision was saving the hash taxpayer money - and so - stretching those Red-Stripe tokens even further.
Hashers spread along Trafalgar and onto Hope before being turned left by a JLP rally barricade at Half Way Tree. This turn threw the route into disarray and hashers dispersed throughout New Kingston following any trail that might lead them back to the beer. The trail never appeared.
Haggis and others had heard a rumour of a beer stop in Emancipation Park. The rumour was true, but the stop had been organised by Split Ends. And so as hashers sweated and passed-out in the early afternoon heat, Split Ends meandered happily through the aisles of Hi-Lo supermarket deciding between Revlon and Head 'n' Shoulders.
After medical treatment for heat-stroke, hashers limped back to the Jamaican German Society. Ten yards from the society entrance, Energiser Bunny spotted the Hash's only trail mark - a ripped up paper bag that Rice 'n' Peas had dropped the night before during his drunken fast-food binge.
It was only right that the hares be repeatedly punished at the down-downs. Other punishments included Sex on the hash (Spider Man), playing with dog shit (Sexy Taxi), and profiling (Speedy Gonzalez).
Registration:
J$600
Food Cost:
J$600
Meal:
Unknown
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